Happy 9th Birthday, Macy Button!
Happy Birthday, Macy Button! This year, we are celebrating with you as a family in our happy place, the same place that we went to after you died, the same place we spent the first Christmas after you died. We have very many happy memories there, despite the bittersweet ones too.
I remember watching your Daddy play with your big sister in the sand, just five weeks after your death. I was still recovering from having a c-section and couldn't comfortably sit in the sand with you. So I watched from the deck of our hotel room, perched on a plastic lawn chair, and likely reading the Twilight Saga to distract myself. It didn't matter. My heart was still filled with sadness.
But my heart was also filled with light. It was filled with the carefree giggles of your sister as she built sand castles with Daddy. It was filled with the strength of your Dad's love for me, in taking care of the two/three of us. Daddy and your sister went mudwalking through the sand. And he put on a brave smile for the two of us.
We've returned there, again and again. Because it is a spot that wasn't tainted at first. Just full of love. And it's still how we hold that place in our hearts—just as we hold you in our hearts, full of sun and warmth and love and us.
We love you always, Squirt. xo