My 2021 Word
I’ve seen people talk about their ‘word’ of the year. It’s an interesting concept—sort of like a mantra to fit with New Year’s resolutions. (Or a synonym for them.)
The year that I was pregnant with Macy (my daughter with Trisomy 18, who died as an infant) was the most stressful year of my life. This past year (2020) may come close. In fact I’ve heard ‘2020’ used as a verb, a description, and a curse word now. Obviously it’s been stressful in different ways.
Yet, even though the pregnancy that came afterward was stressful in its own right too, the second Little Lion was born, I only thought of JOY. My heart and my head and my soul were filled with JOY.
It was a different joy than that which came with my first born, Mini Me. That was a pure joy, unadulterated by grief and loss.
And after this stressful year, my thoughts of the new year are of me looking forward to the JOY after the storm, the rainbow after the mess of 2020.
Wrapped up in that joy is gratitude. I’m not unaware of the fact that my little family has been fortunate in the face of the adversities that faced us in the past year: the pandemic, the social injustices, the contentious election. I’m practicing gratitude every day to get me through the stress. And from that gratitude and stress, I’m still hopeful for the happy times to come: continually emerging scientific advances to get us on the other side, reunions with my extended family and parents and sisters, face to face get-togethers with friends, and travel outside of southern California.
In closing, as I stare beyond our kitchen’s sliding doors to Mr. Bookworm in his studio in our backyard as he has a rare moment to himself, practicing Tang Soo Do virtually, I’m reminded of how he always quietly but steadily steps up to every task, to every hurdle. In our extended family zoom call yesterday, he talked about how he is working from home (as he has been since before the pandemic) but also how he is intentionally working less hours so he can simply be here for the girls if they need anything. I don’t work from home (obviously) and even though I don’t work full time, there are a lot of hours in the day when the girls are either distance learning (Mini Me) or in person learning (Little Lion), but still need attention in the in between. It struck me this morning that Mr. Bookworm isn’t just checking in on them, there as a sounding board, there for a hug, there as a physical friend to each of them.
It struck me that he isn’t working less just for the girls, but for his girls, me included.
In the heart of the storm of 2020, my husband has held steady for each of us. A big task as he listens patiently to my fears and my stress as a physician and as a mom.
So, yes, my word for 2021 is JOY, but a JOY that is underlined with GRATITUDE and the knowledge that we are the fortunate ones who have made it through to the new year.
I am most grateful to those physicians, nurses, RTs, EVS, EMTs, grocery store and pharmacy workers and more who are truly working at the front lines of this war against the pandemic. You are constantly in my thoughts.
What is your 2021 word? What are you most grateful for?
